Who is writing

I live in Jakarta, Indonesia.

My undergraduate study is in engineering. From mid 80’s to mid 90’s I was a senior analyst-programmer at an international oil and gas company whose operations were almost entirely in Indonesia. They sponsored my post gradute study in the United States. In 2008 I joined a think tank working on natural gas and energy economics and policy, and I retired in 2025 from consulting in the gas delivery business. None of which qualifies me to write about any of this — except one skill, which I will come to below.

I am not a teacher, a guide, a healer, or an adept. I have no lineage, no certification, and no students. These pages are notes from the road, not instruction from the summit.

Where the inclusivity comes from

If there is one thing that runs through everything here — the refusal to rank one tradition above another, the sense that the same territory is being pointed at in many languages — it was set in place long before I had any framework to hang it on. It came from childhood.

My father was an Indonesian diplomat. I was a baby in Beijing in the late 1950s, with a Chinese nanny; I could speak Chinese once, and have long since forgotten it. There was a posting in Manila in the mid-1960s. Then Prague in 1969, arriving just after Soviet tanks had ended the Prague Spring, old enough, that time, to notice the distance between what a system said of itself and what it did.

By the time I was grown I had passed through four elementary schools, two middle schools, and two high schools, on both sides of the Cold War, communist capitals and Western ones, and later the United States for the MBA. You do not come out of a childhood like that believing any single country, system, or creed has the whole of the truth. Everywhere I was set down, people were certain they were at the centre of the world, and everywhere they were partly right and partly not.

I did not choose this as a philosophy. It was simply the water I grew up in. Years later, when I read that there are many paths up the same mountain, it did not feel like a new idea. It felt like someone finally naming something I had known since I was a child at the wrong school in the wrong country, again.

How this started

It started with the Hajj, in 1999.

I went as a religious man. I had been serving on the national board of my community and had held that kind of position for years and religious is not the same thing as spiritual, though it took me a long while to see the difference. Something opened on that pilgrimage that has not closed since.

What came next would look strange from outside: within the same year I was reading Zetatalk, and then the Ra Material / the Law of One. Between and after those, a great many other sites, some spiritual and some conspiratorial, most of them best forgotten.

The reason it did not feel like a contradiction is worth explaining, because it is the hinge of everything on this site. The community I belonged to holds that revelation from God did not close, that the divine still speaks, and has not fallen silent. Similar to Javanese Kebatinan, unlike most Muslims. But if you genuinely hold that the channel remains open, then the question of where guidance comes from becomes a question of discernment rather than of permission. You are obliged to listen, and obliged to weigh what you hear. That is why a channelled transcript and a Quranic verse can sit on the same desk in front of me without either one having to be dismissed.

In July 2002 I wrote an email to a number of friends, trying to say plainly why I thought we were here. Dr. Scott Mandelker edited it and published it on his site as The Meaning of Life — A Message from Indonesia. It is still there, and it is where all of this begins.

Much of what I have learned since came from people rather than books. An elder in my wife's family, a mystic of the old kind, used to say fullness is emptiness, and emptiness is fullness. I did not understand him for years. He was describing the whole thing in six words.

Debugging

There is one skill from my working life that turned out to matter more than the rest of it.

For more than ten years I built and ran the production and reserve monitoring system for an oil and gas company, written in FORTRAN with database queries embedded directly in it. I supervised a mixed team of Indonesian and American programmers, the expatriates rotating through on assignments shorter than the life of the code, so that knowledge kept walking out of the door and leaving its output behind.

A production system is not a place where you get to start over. It is running. People are relying on its numbers. And reserve monitoring is an odd discipline to begin with: you are estimating what lies underground from indirect and incomplete evidence, then revising the estimate as more comes in. Nobody ever sees the reserves. You only ever see the inference.

So, the work was mostly this. Read what is actually there, not what you assume is there. Find the place where two parts of the system contradict each other. Resist the strong urge to rewrite everything you would personally have written differently. And after enough years, the code you are debugging is your own — written by a version of yourself whose reasoning you can no longer reconstruct, who left no notes, and who was apparently quite confident at the time.

It turns out this is the same skill required for two other things.

The first is examining your own beliefs. Most of us are running inherited code with no documentation. Some of it works. Some has been throwing errors for thirty years and we have simply learned to route around the failure.

The second is what I now describe as balancing the lower three centres. Not a mystical procedure — a debugging session. Where does the body contradict what the mind insists? Where does the feeling contradict the story? You locate the inconsistency, you look at it honestly without defending it, and something that had been consuming resources quietly in the background stops.

I did the same thing to my own writing while building this site — twenty-four years of it — and found several places where I had contradicted myself and never noticed.

Vision

That every soul finds its way home, and knows it never really left.

Mission

• To offer one possible map, freely, to anyone who finds it useful.
• To point always at your own direct connection to the Source, never at mine.
• To honour the many paths up this mountain, including the ones I did not take.
• To keep the writing honest about what I know, what I believe, and what I am guessing.

How to read this site

Nothing here is doctrine, and I make no claim to have it right.

If something rings true for you, the recognition is yours. It came from your own knowing; the words at best only reminded you. Where you find contradictions in what I have written, take them to your own Higher Self rather than to me. That is the whole point of the path described here — no guru, no intermediary, no one standing between you and the Source.

I would only be another boat.

We are all teachers and students at once. When we teach, we learn; when we learn, we teach. I have learned as much from writing these pages as from anything I have read — which is one reason they keep changing.

If you are looking for someone to follow, you have come to the wrong site, and I mean that warmly. Take whatever is useful, question the rest, and leave the parts that are not for you.

New here? Start with the three questions.

Why the older writings are not corrected

I do not revise older articles to match what I think now.

Some of them contradict the newer ones. My emphasis has shifted, sometimes considerably. In 2016 I described myself as leaning toward one polarity and admitted it as a bias; I would now say the sorting of the world into two poles is itself the thing to put down. That is a real change, not a clarification, and I would rather you see it than have it quietly tidied away.

The changes across the years are the journey. They may be more useful to you than any single conclusion of mine, because they show what it looks like to keep going without having arrived.

Most of the older material is in Bahasa Indonesia. Some of it is on older sites that I keep for the same reason.

On the use of AI

Portions of the recent English articles were developed in dialogue with AI language models. They are fluent, tireless, and inclined to agree — weigh them accordingly, and weigh me accordingly for using them.

They did not supply the framework; that took twenty-five years and is mine, for better or worse. What they were genuinely useful for was catching loose ends: a place where two of my own pages answered the same question differently, a sentence that smuggled in a debt where I had said there was none, a claim I had asserted rather than argued. Several of the safeguards on the Introduction page exist because a model pushed back on something I had written.

They also, on at least one occasion, produced a beautifully organised passage connecting two ideas that had no business being connected, and I did not catch it for some time. That is the trade. English is not my first language, and these tools have lowered the cost of writing in it enormously. But fluency is not accuracy, and a collaborator that never gets tired and never sounds unsure is a hazard as well as a help.

If you find an error here, it is mine. Please tell me.

Where the ideas come from

I have borrowed freely and try to say so. The main debts:

• The Ra Material / Law of One — the density framework, the concept of wanderers, and much of the vocabulary.
• Sufism — Al-Fatiha, Ar-Rahman and Ar-Rahim, Jalal (Majesty) and Jamal (Beauty), Rumi, Ibn Arabi, and the reading of Khidr.
• The Quran, read allegorically in places where most commentary reads it otherwise. Where I do that, I say so. My readings are not tafsir and carry no authority.
• Eastern non-duality — Advaita, Buddhist emptiness, the Tao, mostly learned in conversation rather than from books.
• Whatever I have got wrong, which is also mine.

On the channelled material

Much of my recent inspiration has come from a channelled series on YouTube — messages attributed to Mira, Valir, Minayah and others said to speak for the Pleiadian councils. I have quoted them in several articles and will probably quote them again.

I read them the way I read everything else here: as notes from fellow travellers in a finite world, not as authority. Some of it lands. Some I set aside. I cannot verify any of it, and I do not ask you to.

Two honest cautions, which apply to me as much as to you.

The first is that this material agrees with me a great deal — which is precisely why I try to hold it loosely. A source that rarely contradicts you is not confirming your view. It is reflecting it.

The second is that these messages restate, in gentler language, the same framework the Ra Material set out fifty years ago: the origin in Source, the collective agreement to forget, the learning through limitation, the return. That is not a reason to discount them. But it does mean they are not independent confirmation of anything. It is one tradition speaking to itself, and I should not count the same evidence twice.

What I take from them is encouragement rather than information. If they help you, good. If they do not, nothing on this site depends on them.

Contact

goinghomedotorg.gmail.com

I read everything and reply when I can. I am not able to give personal spiritual guidance, and I would not be the right person for it if I were — the guidance you need is not on this side of the screen.

If you are in crisis, please contact a doctor or a local crisis service rather than me. That is not a deflection. It is the same point the Introduction makes about keeping your feet on the earth.

Old Website

http://web.archive.org/web/20170522211524/http://going-home.org/

http://web.archive.org/web/20170522211524/http://going-home.org/en/

http://web.archive.org/web/20141217064609/http://going-home.org/

http://web.archive.org/web/20100725025411/http://going-home.org:80/index.php/

http://web.archive.org/web/20080504134508/http://going-home.org

Photos

Photos in the current website were taken during my trips throughout Indonesia.